[Dr. Pince]

Voilà un autre texte, toujours influencé sur de la musique, et comme vous pouvez le constater, en anglais cette fois-ci .

Soft Ride Across the Mystery

Put your eyes up in the morning
And behold what you have missed
You are just discovering
Something new through the mist
In the other side of your brain
There's something which was hidden
You've never seen it before that day
Who knows ? That must be fun

Soft ride across the mystery
Don't give a sense to that
Say "hello" to your frenzy
Curiosity never killed the cat

A new door gonna be opened
Somewhere else in your mind
Tiny creatures crawl and run
Remember you have no morphine
What kind of dream are you having ?
Why so weird and abyssal ?
Surely you have done something
Which could be original

Do you remember when all was normal ?


Et voilà . J'attend impatiemment vos commentaires .

[Rouflaquette]

Hey it was a nice tripe. The title made me think about "across the universe"and since I have some precious memories about this movie, I couldn't pass by your text.
As tu vus ce film ?
En tout cas chapeau melon et botte de cuir j'ai trouvé certaines rimes très bien trouvé, après comme mon niveau en anglais n'est pas celui que je voudrais, j'ai sans doute interprété. Mais ton personnage a-t-il des hallucination provoqué par le manque ?

Surely you have done something
Which could be original

Je ne comprend pas bien le sens ce ces deux vers

En tout cas pour rester sur une note positive, j'ai bien aimé et te souhaite une bonne continuation

[Poetrygal]

Howdy,

I noticed a few things, but I'm hesitant to critique since it looks you have some metered, rhymed structure I'm not readily acquainted with, or maybe I'm missing something. I don't normally critique these type of poems but here are some observations that shouldn't interfere with structure too much.

Curiosity never killed the cat (actually in America it did and if I used a twist of such a common cliché, I'd feel the need to support it. This is more of a personal opinion, feel free to disregard)

A new door gonna be opened (you want slang informal? Is going to or simply a new door will be opened. The reason I point this out, is you used words previously in the piece that are more formal, and while reading I paused on this because it was unexpected, if that was the intent, also disregard)

Why so weird and abyssal ? (The word abyssal is not common, maybe use abysmal the sound is very close and it means bad and very deep. It's used commonly to describe a dark mood or situation)

Hope that helps, happy writing.