[Gouttelette]

Arrival
      Claire looked out of the car window. In front of her eyes a gigantic white manor bloomed with freesia and roses, rising from the manor's ground. The front garden was neatly decorated with two letters, B and R for Duchess Rose Bryson of York, Claire's unknown mother.
       Claire Roberts had been adopted since she could remeber. Recently her adptive parents had revealed to her the existence of Claire's mother, sister of Prince Charles of England. Her mother had requested Claire joined her at Freesia Manor. Claire had said her goodbyes to her adoptive parents before a black car had shipped her off to Freesia Manor where her mother would await her.
       The car slowed down to a halt. The driver got out of the car and opened the car door for Claire.
"Welcome to Freesia Manor," he said. A butler came to escort her and her luggage inside the manor. Claire followed him feeling very uncomfortable in her jeans and trainers. As she entered the front hall Claire noticed a single rose engraved on the door.
"That's your family symbol,"said the butler awnsering Claire's expression. The butler left Claire with two maids. They bowed.
"Welcome Lady Rosalie," they said.
"My name's Claire,"she corrected them.
"Not anymore,"said a feminine voice."You are Rosalie Bryson now." Claire turned around and gasped. She looked at the lady who ressembled her in every way.
       She recognised the blond hair, the green eyes and the same oval chin. Rose was dressed in a satin full-length blue dress and her hair was pinned up in a loose bun.
"Mother," gasped Rosalie.
"Rosalie." She ran to her daughter and embraced her. Tears welled up in Rosalie's eyes.
"Don't cry dear,"said her mother."Blue silk turns yellow when it's wet." Rosalie fought her tears back. Rose stepped back.
"You have the same skin tone as your father. But you have my eyes," she smiled.
"Who was my father?"asked Rosalie.
"I will tell you later,"said Rose tenderly." Go upstairs and change. I will see you in ten minutes for dinner." The two maids bowed again as Rose left the room.
"My name is Jasmine," said the brunette.
"And I'm Marjorie," said the redhead."We are your personal maids. Please follow us to your room my Lady." Rosalie followed them up two flights of stairs and along a corridor. Jasmine and Marjorie stopped in front of a large set of wooden doors.
"Your room," announced Jasmine. She opened the doors and Rosalie saw paradise.


A suivre....

[Plume d'argent]

Hello there !

Tout d'abord, je trouve que tu écris bien en anglais, quoique j'ai tiqué à quelques phrases mais je ne saurais pas dire vraiment si elles sont justes ou pas. Mais il y a cette phrase un peu lourde.
"Claire Roberts had been adopted since she could remeber"  petite faute de frappe au passage : remember. Et puis pourquoi " since she could remember" ? c'est pas comme si elle le savait depuis le début et puis c'est inutile de le dire. Ah et je viens de penser à une chose : si elle savait depuis le début qu'elle était adoptée, n'aurait-il pas été naturel qu'elle demande qui sont ses parents ?

"The car slowed down to a halt. The driver got out of the car and opened the car door for Claire." Répétition de car.

"Her mother had requested Claire joined her at Freesia Manor" Je sais pas pour le temps mais ce serait pas "had requested that" ou "had requested for Claire to join her", il manque une liaison.

""Please follow us to your room my Lady." Rosalie followed " Deux fois l'usage de follow

Je suis fana de la description de la mère.

A quand la suite ?

[Gouttelette]

Oops j'avais pas vu les fautes de frappe j'écris trop vite... La suite tout de suite!!!

[Gouttelette]

Oups je croit que c'est un peu plus long que tout de suite. Mais je vais essayer de m'y mettre promis!

[Gouttelette]

Partie deux:

The walls were a rich golden cream colour and a gold and pink chandelier hung from the ceiling. There were two couches and a glass table in the middle of the room and it was carpeted cream. Two sets of double doors cornered the room's left and right walls. One of the sets was open to reveal a pink four-poster king sized bed embroided with fake roses.
"The other room is your wardrobe and there is a joint bathroom to the bedroom. Dinner is in an hour. Lady Rose has instructed you get dressed and join her in the salon in 15 minutes. Pull this cord if you need us," instructed Marjorie, showing her the gold cord. Rosalie nodded too astounded to speak. The maids closed the door and Rosalie was left alone. She slowly walked to the bedroom and caressed the silk embroided roses. She went to the bathroom and ran the water into the bath/swimming pool/jacuzzi. Rosalie needed to think.
Who could her father be? Why wasn't he here? Why did her mother only want to meet her now she was 16? She ran those questions through her head. The young girl then walked over to the other set of double doors. She opened them and gasped. The room was gold and pink and a similar chandelier hung on the ceiling. In the back a huge mirror stood next to a table with all sorts of draws. It was then Rosalie noticed that Along the rest of the walls were lines and lines of clothes. But on the chair next to the table was a cream and black dress with three buttons down the front. A note rested on top.
She picked it up and read:
Dear Rosalie,

This dress belonged to me when I was your age. I now want you to have it. Your grandmother passed it down to me as her mother gave it to her. Please wear it, it would bring great pleasure upon your loving mother.
Love you tender,
Mother

Rosalie wiped away a tear. She slipped on the dress and stared at herself in the mirror. She almost saw her mother in herself. She went and pulled the cord after putting on the high-heeled shoes that matched the dress.
"You called my Ladyship?," said Jasmine arriving a few seconds later.
"Yes, I did. Where is the salon?" Rosalie asked.
"Follow me please." Rosalie was careful not to touch anything on the way back down the stairs and along the corridor. Jasmine stopped in front of big oak doors and knocked.
"Come in!" came the awnser. Jasmine nodded to me before turning away along the long corridor. I opened the oak doors eager to know the truth about myself.


Voila ça m'a pris un peu plus longtemps que prévu mais j'espère que ça plaira!