Thank you for this wistful, lyrical piece which features some powerful images.
I think some passages are a little odd/awkward:
Sprawling a cool dampness over the landscape
Spraying?
When the illusions and the lies are revealed
Word order sounds a bit off -> "when the lies and illusions are revealed" sounds better to me.
Also generally you might want to avoid repeating "the", e.g.
The confidence and the innocence in (of?) youth
Remembered when facing the hardship of life
hardships?
The fragile tender moments in first love
of?
The laughter of some children or of a small river
After they've grown up or they've dried out
"They" is ambiguous here, especially as "river" is singular. Also I would rather write "they have" rather than "they've" (given the general tone of your text) and perhaps avoid the repetition (after they've grown up or dried out)
In reminiscence when alone in a hotel room
The abandoned supermarket of today with its parking lot
Which had torn down nice neighbourhoods a few years ago
The pushing and shoving of the new generations
While remembering repairing all with a hammer
Is there a comma missing? This line is not quite clear...
When a team was doing the same (a?) few years back
I hope these remarks will be helpful. Some are there to help you with some linguistic errors but the rest is just suggestions
Keep going!
Lou
