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Encore plus loin dans l'écriture ! => Textes non francophones => Discussion démarrée par: Michael Sherwood le 21 janvier 2023 à 12:20:23

Titre: Eden Island
Posté par: Michael Sherwood le 21 janvier 2023 à 12:20:23
The boat sets sail at dawn
From the mainland's shore
We brave the choppy waves
Of the Indian Ocean's roar

As the island comes into view
We disembark, chilled and damp
Our feet sinking in the wet sand
As little land crabs scuttle and scamp

The straw-tailed birds call out
Their cries piercing the sky
Coral reefs and palm fronds
Tropical vegetation, lush and high

Barefoot in the red earth
We tread apprehensively
Exploring the jungle's depths
With coconut trees and greenery

On the other side, the open sea
Waves crashing endlessly
Adam and Eve, alone and free
Contemplating our nudity

In the midday sun's scorching heat
Our bodies sweat and glisten
A solemn thought takes hold
Of reduplicating the original sin

Under the gaze of heaven above
We unite as one
Celebrating paradise
Eden Island, our island, forever won.

Titre: Re : Eden Island
Posté par: holden5 le 28 janvier 2023 à 16:04:55
*Shall we comment in English ? What’s the rule, in here? *

Hey Michael,

I am not into poetry, but I really enjoyed reading your poem, which could also be titled « this is the life »!

Simple and almost funny at the end (« a solemn thought takes hold
Of reduplicating the original sin »), it really has a pleasant William-Blake 
vibe…

Sorry about the poor comment and thank you for posting,
H.
Titre: Re : Eden Island
Posté par: Michael Sherwood le 29 janvier 2023 à 08:24:59
Hi Holden5!

Thanks a lot for reading my poem and leaving a comment.
It can feel quite lonely in this foreign language section!
I am not sure if the rule is to comment in English or French, so please use whichever language you feel most comfortable with.

Regarding your phrase 'this is the life', to me it is more like 'this was the life' as this poem is a recollection of a scene from my past, when I was a young adult living in East Africa.

I don't usually read poetry, so I can't comment on William Blake vibes...
I wrote the poem in English because the nudity scene could have drawn the wrath of the censors.
(although I think I was fool enough to post a French version of this poem in the Poetry section)  8) !

Have a good day!