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Le Monde de L'Écriture » Encore plus loin dans l'écriture ! » Textes non francophones » Last of the Wilds

Auteur Sujet: Last of the Wilds  (Lu 3243 fois)

Hors ligne Maelstrom

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Last of the Wilds
« le: 16 mai 2009 à 00:39:17 »
Une histoire en anglais qui  est plutôt longue donc je la poste par chapitres.  La suite sera postée d'ici quelques jours (la vitesse que je vais écrire va être proportionelle à la quantité de menaces ou de compliments reçus  :P donc si cefil de discussion reste vide il sera oublié et va devoir  se cacher dans un coin sombre quelconque.)



Une petite musique d'ambiance pour les curieux/détesteurs de silences et qui n'ont rien à écouter : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bgjHDL3t8uQ




Last of the Wilds
Chapter 1, Fallen Angel


At the end of a long day of travelling through the forest, the caravan of merchants halted. After setting up camp and eating their fill, the travellers sat down around the fire for a well-deserved story-telling session. The older members of the group amused the younger children with ancient legends, and when they ran out the children demanded more. At that moment, a cloaked figure stepped out of the shadows.

-I can tell you a long forgotten tale. The tale of the Last of the Wilds.

 A hushed silence fell upon the people around the campfire because it was the first time the stranger addressed any of them other then their leader. He, or she, joined their group a few days ago, presumably for the protection that the group of merchants had to offer. One of the elders beckoned him to sit down near the fire so that everyone can see him. He sat down and without removing the hood that hid his face he started his story.


Long ago, when the earth was new and the humans were but a small pack of wanderers, beasts roamed free, masters of their domain and predators bearing mutual respect to each other, fearing no one and nothing. Back then, not one, but two moons graced the skies. Lady and Lord Moon watched over the mortal world, guarding the nocturnal realm once the sun has set for his slumber.

By the time humans started learning magic, the two celestial guardians were getting worried at how quickly they have spread across earth. They decided that one of them shall descend and find a way to make sure the humans do not abuse of magic and destroy the face of earth with it because of their eternal warfare, eternal warmongers as we are. The male moon, gallant and brave, offered to take care of what appeared to be a mundane task. So Lord Moon left behind his Lady and came down to their hell, the mortal world.

Sadly, Lord Moon did not put into consideration gravity. Therefore, looking like an angel being banished from the heavens, he tumbled to earth, his beautiful white wings almost useless against the speed of his fall. He landed in the forest, the thick snow on the ground cushioning his fall somewhat. He lay there unconscious until a pack of curious wolves came to see what this strange creature was. Lord moon woke with a start, but seeing that the wolves did not hurt him, he relaxed. Using his powerful magic, he transformed himself into a big white wolf and spent a few months with the pack that seemed to be determined to protect him.

When the summer came, he decided to start working on the mission he came down to fulfill. He started by creating a white lily and placing it in the hearth of the forest he crash-landed in. The forest was located in a deep valley, wedged between two enormous chains of mountains that were situated in the most hostile deserts, the most inaccessible place for humans on earth, where wilderness will rule for centuries to come with no hope for humanity to come and conquer it. Using his powerful magic, the great white wolf that was now Lord Moon made the lily into a kind of regulator, an object that controls how much magic there is on earth to be used by humans. If there is too much used, the flower absorbs some, and if not enough, it lets some go.

If this lily ever fell in the hands of a powerful magician, that man would be able to unleash all the magic he or she wanted. The danger in that is that an amount of magic liberated that suddenly will throw off the delicate balance of the world and tearing the fragile boundaries between the celestial, mortal and demonic worlds, creating chaos and ultimately, the end of the world as we know it.

Knowing this, the white wolf decided to appoint himself as the guardian of the flower. But soon he realized it was a tiresome task, and he also wanted to go back and see his Lady Moon. After much thought he came to a sensible solution: take four humans and four animals, merge each human with an animal and give them the power to shape shift between their human an animal form. They would also be allotted a certain amount of magic. And that was how the idea of The Wilds was born.

Armed with a plan and a strong determination, the white wolf now needed humans as volunteers. At first, he despaired because the forest was so far from civilization that the chances that he would find four humans were next to nothing. Then one warm summer day he chanced upon two squirrels chattering frenetically. Versed in the language of the beasts, he inquired upon their worries. Turned out a certain “man of the east mountain” has discovered that they were stealing from his winter reserves and has set up a terrifying guard to protect them. Full of hope, the guardian of the lily set off in the direction of the eastern mountains.
« Modifié: 16 mai 2009 à 14:56:45 par Maelstrom »
Unta onko tää,/Est-ce un rêve?
Vai kuolema jossa palata sinne saan missä/Ou la mort où je veux retourner où
hiillos jo luovuttaa lumen alla/Les embres abandonnent espoir sous la neige
Kun astun maailmaan, erämaan aikaan/Lorsque je rentre dans ce monde, le temps
- Tuomas Holopajnen,

Hors ligne Leia Tortoise

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Re : Last of the Wilds
« Réponse #1 le: 16 mai 2009 à 11:17:16 »
J'ai été attirée par le titre, mais plutôt parce que j'adore la chanson du même nom par le groupe Nightwish...

Le texte en lui-même est agréable à lire, j'aime bien l'ambiance et le côté "conte". J'attend de voir la suite!

Côté pinaillerie, j'ai relevé 2 fautes d'inattention:

Citer
He sat down and without removing the hood that hid his face and started his story.
un and de trop?

Citer
with it with their eternal warfare,
with it or with their?

Et je ne suis pas sûre que pack puisse s'employer pour un groupe de personnes?
Of course it is happening inside your head, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real ?
- Dumbledore -
*
Books ! Best weapons in the world.
- Doctor Who -

Hors ligne Maelstrom

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Re : Last of the Wilds
« Réponse #2 le: 16 mai 2009 à 14:59:45 »
Merci ^^ J'ai corrigé les fautes

Et pack peut être utilisé en tant que un pack of wolves...une meute/bande de loups. (Enfin...je crois  :D)
Unta onko tää,/Est-ce un rêve?
Vai kuolema jossa palata sinne saan missä/Ou la mort où je veux retourner où
hiillos jo luovuttaa lumen alla/Les embres abandonnent espoir sous la neige
Kun astun maailmaan, erämaan aikaan/Lorsque je rentre dans ce monde, le temps
- Tuomas Holopajnen,

Hors ligne Leia Tortoise

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Re : Last of the Wilds
« Réponse #3 le: 19 mai 2009 à 17:55:17 »
effectivement, je viens de voir ça... Mais il me semble que tu l'utilisais aussi pour humans à un moment donné (évidemment je ne retrouve pas le passage  ::) ) et que c'était surtout là que ça m'avait fait douter. M'enfin tant que je retrouve pas le passage, je peux pas préciser  >< Si ça se trouve c'était juste une fausse impression et je suis en train de pinailler pour rien  :-¬?

EDIT (vive la fonction "rechercher"): c'est dans le début, "when the earth was new and the humans were but a small pack of wanderers".
« Modifié: 19 mai 2009 à 17:57:33 par Leia Tortoise »
Of course it is happening inside your head, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real ?
- Dumbledore -
*
Books ! Best weapons in the world.
- Doctor Who -

Hors ligne Maelstrom

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  • Messages: 28
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Re : Last of the Wilds
« Réponse #4 le: 22 mai 2009 à 00:34:07 »
aha  :)

Quand j'écrivais je crois que je comparais les premiers humains à des bêtes...ou quelque chose de moins profond par exemple erreur d'inattention  :-\
Unta onko tää,/Est-ce un rêve?
Vai kuolema jossa palata sinne saan missä/Ou la mort où je veux retourner où
hiillos jo luovuttaa lumen alla/Les embres abandonnent espoir sous la neige
Kun astun maailmaan, erämaan aikaan/Lorsque je rentre dans ce monde, le temps
- Tuomas Holopajnen,

Taupe

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Re : Last of the Wilds
« Réponse #5 le: 30 mai 2009 à 13:39:56 »
J'ignore à quel point tu tiens à rendre le tout parfait. coté ortographe, je n'ai pas grand chose à redire. Mais quand on parle d'une autre langue, il y a toujours les détails et les subtilités qui aident à faire sentir la langue choisie plus autenthique et fluide. Si c'est le genre de pointers et de remarque que tu trouve pertinentes et intéressantes, je peux passer le texte au peigne fin et sortir une liste de suggestions ou variantes...
« Modifié: 30 mai 2009 à 13:57:09 par Taupe »

 


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